Heart

Nomikudashi te ha mune ga itamu..

Humans easily can change their feelings, right?

I.. don't want to argue with her about this "best friend" of hers anymore..
I've had it enough.. I already told her everything, and do everything I could, hoping that she won't get hurt anymore..

And now, I couldn't stand to look how she's hurting, deep down inside her.. it's tearing her apart..

Yet she stay strong like nothing happened.. how can she do that?

Thing is.. he's ignoring her, and I've lost count of how many times he did this to her..
Been busy with life? That's just a lie right?

She knows this, I've said it, but she didn't listen, I've told her..
He even forgot her birthday.. and for me, that is unforgivable..
She said "it's okay", and smile as she always did..

The smile that always masked her sad face, her true expression..

But I can tell by her look and wanted to tell her "you're not okay, damn it!"
 

She.. my real self, always try to find the good in people.. and doesn't mind of getting hurt in the process....

I'm at a loss.. don't know what to do..
I can only pray and hope she'll always stay strong with everything that will happened to her..

But it's okay..

Yume mo kunou mo subete kako he..

Since all dreams and agonies will become the past.. 

Reality.... or illusion.......

Life, never third without twice..

.. to me..
I don't know what to say..
Probably because I just.. it's killing me from the inside....
This is not the first time, nor the second time..
People always said "third's time the charm", right?
I guess it's like "third's time the omen" for me.. precisely..

Well, guess I've been busy with everything till I ever barely had any rest, even just one damn bit...
Life's always have been cruel to me, torturing me non-stop..
The only things that keeps me going is because of "her".. 
.. which is; my other side, it is....

Exactly of what my expression would be..
Only God knows how painful it were..
At times, I felt like giving up on this life..
No reason to live anymore..
But my other self always being optimist and told me to never give up..
Even though there's no more dreams and hopes for me?


"For you can create a better dreams and hopes that way, my dear.."
How? Is it possible for such a nihilistic person as the like of me?
"Yes, anything is possible dear.. If you can't, then I will.. for you...."

It's just.. hurt.. to know that someone you know very well, for a very long time..
Suddenly leaving you like that, without a word..
Leaving us all alone just to be with someone else..
What are of us then?
A doll? Used and then thrown away?
Reason? There's a reason for that?
Even so, still.. how could.. they..
Nevermind..

Tears couldn't stop them from doing so..
Tears.. the only words heart cannot say..
What else could be all said and done then?

I'm sorry, I know I made no sense with what I'd write so please ignore it..

Sorry for the late post too.. guess I'm a bit down..
It's not recent though, it's something that happened for 7 months already..
How should I put it into words..?
I guess I got dumped.. ahaha....
It's okay really, don't worry.... I guess it's nothing, don't worry about it..
I didn't say anything right? Ahaha..

Life's too cruel at times, but that's what makes us stronger, and wiser.. I guess....

Never mind, I think I'll stop now..
Lots of things troubled my mind.. and I haven't solved a single problem out of it..


Reality.... or illusion.......