Friendship

One topic that I always like to talk about, yet it hurts so much to say.. it fucking hurts to talk about it.. It came up to my mind just a few seconds ago after I read something from my friends' message.. It hurts to know it,  I wish I didn't see it..

I wonder, if I'm such an annoying friend to them..

If so, just say it straight to my face and not to say it to the others!!

You're spreading it to the others that I'm annoying? Fuck with that!

I don't care if you think I'm annoying little brat or anything, but trying to humiliate me like that is unforgiva- Wait.. So I do care about it.... shit....

D'uh, but it's not like I really give a damn about it though.. Cuz I've used to it.. I've been through it so many times.. countless times, to be honest..

This body have been stabbed, slashed, sliced, ripped.. with so many things..

Bleeding too much, blood flowing from every part of this body and it will never stop..

I don't care.. though it hurts, like infinite blades impaling through my body..

Tch, I just realized someone just joined that bitch to added more salt into this wound of mine..

Honestly, it hurts.. and at times, I don't care about it, yet at the same time I do care about it..

Why do I feel so irritated with it..

The post title is about friendship, yet I'm babbling about something else..
~sore nitsuite nani ka ga kankeidakedo ne~

Sigh.. let's continue..

Honestly, if you think I'm crazy right now, stop reading this.. It won't mean anything for you.. Trust me, I'm sane.. and at the same time, I'm insane;crazy.. YES.

Friendship.. I always remember this one line..

"A friend in need is a friend indeed", but hell with that.. that's just illusion..

If it's true.. then why there's still so much intense dislike in this self of mine?

The more I think about it, the crazier I would be..

I guess this is the reason why I never had many friends to begin with..

Though to say that, I was just being careful.. I don't wanna get hurt.. neither hurting anyone..

It's like, eternal pain affliction.. no, never mind..

Friendship.... I wonder what's the true meaning of it.. I still couldn't find the answer..

Friends helps you when you're in trouble.. friend are someone you could depends on..

Friendship.. between it could also be a backstabber for us right? Whenever we don't know anything, they start talking behind our back..

My other self just told me.. "Friend, is what you value.. and they are people who equal in most, any standards; but still respect each others.."

Yea.. I felt it in my skin, in my instincts, in my intuition.. but I'm still doubting myself.. and I kept repeating the question to myself..

"Friendship.. was is it?" and there I had the thought of something like "that's just overwhelming lies, though it's fair, within illusionary.."

Bonds are easily broken, but damn difficult to build it back.. I guess..

I did realize.. all what I've wrote until now is like a child's lettering..

Must be tedious for you to read, right?

Well, I just wanna let out this feeling.. that's all..

And actually I realized that there's a lot, and I mean by A LOT of mistakes in this post.. especially vocab and grammar.. I feel like a 7 years old brat right now..

To sum it all up, what I wanted to say is.. I hate friendship.... I fucking hate it..
Tch, just curse and more curses.. can't think rationally.. lots of f words..
Is this really me?

Friendship..


Let's stop this right now, I make no sense for everything I did write.. all doesn't make any sense.. friendship.. was is it, really?


Reality.. or illusion....